two disc special!

So summer happened and fall happened, and I finally made the two playlists that go along with them. I know, I know, you were all waiting for them. Well, wait no longer! Here we have my two disc Extended Summer Mix 2010 (because the fall was really like extended summer). They are a bit of a cheat in that the second one doesn't actually fit on a CD. But, I like to think of it as two discs, and the first one is a little short timewise and the second one only goes over by 11 seconds. Together, they add up to the right amount. I know that isn't how discs work, but whatever. My lists, my rules.

Extended Summer Mix 2010 Disc 1:
1. Lady GaGa - Bad Romance
2. Michael Franti & Spearhead - The Sound of Sunshine
3. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home
4. Usher feat. Pitbull - DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
5. Miley Cyrus - Party in the USA
6. Taio Cruz - Dynamite
7. Christina Aguilera - Not Myself Tonight
8. The Script - Breakeven
9. The Rakes - Open Book
10. Daughtry - September
11. Drake - Find Your Love
12. The Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize
13. Shakira feat. Freshlyground - Waka Waka (Time for Africa)
14. David Guetta feat. Kid Cudi - Memories
15. B.o.B feat. Eminem & Hayley Williams - Airplanes, Part II
16. Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
17. Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet
18. T.I. - Whatever You Like
19. Owl City - Fireflies
20. Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire
21. Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg - California Gurls

Disc 2
1. Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel
2. John Legend & The Roots feat. Common & Melanie Fiona - Wake Up Everybody
3. Jimmy Eat World - Invented
4. Ne-Yo - One in a Million
5. Mumford & Sons - The Cave
6. Florence + The Machine - Dog Days are Over
7. Chris Brown - Yeah 3X
8. Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue
9. Cee Lo Green - Fuck You
10. Joshua Radin - Streetlight
11. Adam Lambert - If I Had You
12. Daughtry - Life After You
13. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River
14. Usher - More
15. Thousands of One - SoulForce
16. Arcade Fire - Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)
17. Sara Bareilles - King of Anything
18. Original Cast Recording of In the Heights - Breathe
19. Bruno Mars - Grenade

A few notes:
- Lady GaGa (Gaga?) is in honor of my favorite morning tradition on trips: LG MORNINGS! I also almost put a song in honor of the worst "you're so old!" conversation--"Will Smith is NOT a rapper! He's an actor!" sigh.
- Lots of time in a bus with kids = lots of pop music. However, as much as I like to think I'm better than it, I'm not. I sincerely enjoyed a lot of this music. Even "California Gurls." Even with gurls spelled with a u.
- I made my kids listen to "Hypnotize" many many times. Appropriate? I think so.
- I saw Thousands of One live! And they were so good! And it was just a great man-night out.
- I heard some of these songs over and over on satellite radio and just learned to love them (like, say, Sugarland). Songs that never had that effect: "Like a G6" and "Only Girl (In the World)." Awful. Just awful.
- Party in the USA is for Emily and Cry Me A River is for Zoe, even though I don't think either of them even know about this blog. I love you both!

home again home again

and now it's time for our final game--lightning fill in the blank. each of our players will have sixty seconds to answer as many of the questions as possible. alright, our theme is "jesse's road trip." paula poundstone, you're up first.

peter: to the shock of no one, jesse broke his blank during the road trip.
paula: cell phone *ding*
peter: at the trail-head in boulder, jesse found a blank sitting on the sink in the bathroom.
paula: uhhh a squirrel?
peter: no, an unopened condom. jesse also found a blank in bed with him in the morning.
paula: a dead bed bug. *ding*
peter: jesse's plan to see the great salt lake in utah on his way out was thwarted because he forgot blank.
paula: that the sun would not yet be up. *ding*
peter: jesse ran into a girl in Wal-Mart who was wearing a blank.
paula: uhhh a cape. *ding*
peter: yes! a red hooded cape. now jesse had *gong sound* taken a picture of each state sign as he drove by. only nebraska was different because he blank.
paula: uhhhhhhh took it from outside of the car.
peter: no, sorry. the correct answer is "he took it going the other direction." having missed the sign from the iowa side, jesse turned around after entering colorado to make sure he got the nebraska sign.

peter: next up, mo rocca. here we go. on his last day of driving, jesse had a lunch consisting of a clif bar and a blank.
mo: hamburger.
peter: no, a five-hour energy shot. jesse drove through twelve states in six days between upstate new york and san jose, california. according to him, the worst drivers, by far, were found in blank.
mo: san jose, california. *ding*
peter: yes. jesse rushed through the lake tahoe area because of signs warning him to carry blank, which he did not have.
mo: tire chains. *ding*
peter: jesse also passed by two men on the side of the road cleaning a blank.
mo: baby.
peter: no, a deer that had been hit by a car. jesse stopped at a rest stop that had a sign warning him about blank.
mo: bears.
peter: no, prisoners. google maps told jesse it would take 14 hours to drive from salt lake city to san jose without stops. with stops, jesse drove it in blank.
mo: uhhhhhhh 10 hours. *ding*
peter: yes! when stopped at the agricultural checkpoint in california, jesse *gong sound* was asked if he had any produce or plants in the car. he responded that he had a blank.
mo: uhhhhhhh five-hour energy shot.
peter: no, the correct answer is "a loaf of bread in case his car got caught in the snow." he did not have to give that up.

peter: last up, roxanne roberts. jesse bought two cds on his trip. one was mumford and sons. the other one was blank.
roxanne: bruno mars. *ding*
peter: jesse ventured into a wal-mart searching for a blank, but was not successful.
roxanne: phone card. *ding*
peter: jesse could find a lottery scratcher to buy in wyoming, utah and, surprisingly, blank.
roxanne: nevada. *ding*
peter: yes! at the rest stop warning him about prisoners, he walked in to find blank.
roxanne: uhhhhh a prisoner.
peter: no, a sleeping attendant. jesse's only stop in between entering california and arriving home was blank.
roxanne: a gas station.
peter: no, in-n-out burger. after his cell phone broke on his trip *gong sound*, jesse called his insurance company to get a new one. upon his arrival back home, he found out they had blank.
roxanne: uhhhhhh sent him the wrong one.
peter: no, sent him two new phones.

Meh, that wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Anyway, here are some final counts on things:

Lottery scratchers purchased: 8 (I bought two in California)
Number of winning scratchers: 1 (curse broken!)
Net gain/loss: -$4
Location signs that made me laugh out loud: 9 (Deeth Starr Valley--you know, like Star Wars! HA HA!)
Tanks of gas: 14
Miles driven: ~3172
Fast food restaurants visited: 7
State count: 12 (New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, California)

What a trip!

Today was a short day...

Least convincing ad printed on a truck: "Want to live in Idaho? We have a job for you!"
Number of wrong turns that turned out to be the right turn: 2
Total number of one-way streets I have driven the wrong way on toward another car: now 2
Number of times I tried to check into the wrong hotel: ...1
Number of books on CD for sale at the nearest Wal-Mart in Salt Lake City: 1 (The Book of Mormon...)
Newest scary sign: "11 people have died on 1-80 in 2010."
Number of signs with the exact words "Jesus... the only way to God": 3
Number of tolls I am 99% sure I didn't pay: 1
Number of episodes of "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" listened to: 9
Miles to go: ~762

Some things I've been thinking about:
"Who invented the phrase 'Need a penny, take a penny; have a penny, leave a penny?'"
"Which definition came first--petrified as in petrified wood or petrified as in scared?"
"Why do so many songs rhyme kiss with miss (I'm looking at you Blink-182, Nickelback, Lady Gaga, to name a few)? Kiss rhymes with so many different words."
"Why didn't anyone tell me that Wyoming is so beautiful?"
"Why hasn't anyone invented a portable coffee mug lid with a filter in the spout to keep the mud from getting through?"
"Was 'Supermodel' by RuPaul really a big enough song to play more than once a day on the 90s XM Radio station?"


and for those of you keeping count...
Lottery scratchers purchased: still 6 (Wyoming didn't have any, and I haven't stopped in Utah yet)
Number of winning scratchers: still 0
Net gain/loss: -$6
Location signs that made me laugh out loud: cumulatively 8 (Black Butte Road, which is by far the funniest thing I've ever seen, and then Pilot Butte, Cloud Butte National Monument and Church Butte--but mostly they just reminded me of Black Butte Road. Except Church Butte is pretty funny).
*for the record: I do know what a butte is and how to pronounce the word correctly. doesn't make it not funny.
Tanks of gas: 10.5
Miles driven so far: ~2409
Fast food restaurants visited: 6
State count: 10 (New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah)

two days in colorado

since i last updated...

Number of museums in Nebraska with the word "Fort," "Military," or "Prairie" in it: 5
Scariest sign: "Correctional Facility. Do not pick up hitchhikers."
- Runner up: "When you die, you will meet God." (seen twice)
Minutes between saying the words "who is honking at me" out loud and noticing my arm resting against the steering wheel: 2 (at a stoplight, no less).
Number of traffic accidents that nearly caused me to have a, well, bathroom accident: 2
Miles hiked in Boulder: 4
Elevation: between 5900 and 6100 feet (mile-high indeed).
Least catchy slogan printed on the back of a truck: "The most recognized distribution symbol in the food service industry."
Number of days it took me to figure out how to use the cruise control in my rental car: 3 (and it is amazing)
Also, I drove behind this for a while: milliondollarroadtrip.com


and for those of you keeping count...
Lottery scratchers purchased: 6
Number of winning scratchers: 0 (the longest i've ever gone without winning i think...)
Net gain/loss: -$6Location signs that made me laugh out loud: cumulatively 4 (N. Hooker Ln [it's the north that makes it so great])
Tanks of gas: 9
Miles driven so far: ~1843
Fast food restaurants visited: 3
State count: 8 (New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado)

ohio to iowa (so many syllables, so few letters)

Some more facts and figures...

Number of Ohio denizens who rolled down their windows to spit at my car from their car: 1 (in his defense, though, i did just drive toward him the wrong way on a one-way offramp by the freeway)
Presidential landmarks i almost visited: 2
Presidential landmarks i visited: 0
Minutes spent outside of the car at Notre Dame campus: 0
Lottery scratchers purchased: 4
Number of winning scratchers: 0
Net gain/loss: -$4

and for those of you keeping count...
Location signs that made me laugh out loud: cumulatively 3 (Kum&Go Gas Stations)
Tanks of gas: 6
Free suite upgrades at Comfort Inns: still just 1 (happy face now sad face)
Traffic tickets: still just 1 (sad face still a little sad face)
Miles driven so far: ~1146
Fast food restaurants visited: 3
State count: 6 (New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa)

to the moon and back

So, here I am, six months later, and perhaps six months wiser (perhaps), but instead of a well-edited entry, I am going to give a quick update on my road trip in life.

Let's make a little list:
Hours before I realized I read I-86 off of my hand as I-80: 3
Location signs that made me laugh out loud: 2 (Johnson City and Chagrin Boulevard)
Tanks of gas: 2
Free suite upgrades at Comfort Inns: 1 (happy face)
Traffic tickets: 1 (sad face)
Miles driven so far: ~462
Fast food restaurants visited: 2
C.D.'s purchased: 2
Jacuzzi baths taken: 1
State count: 3 (New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio)

More to come!

but seriously folks, what the hell was up with that house?

I’m not big on small talk. I know, right? Shocker. A typical mindless social convention I can’t wrap my head around. That just might be the theme of my life. Anyway, on Monday, when buying a new pair of hiking shoes for camp this summer, I ran into something I never expect but always dread—a talkative fellow patron. A TFP is typically an older man, probably white, a little bit fat, and wearing some kind of plaid. He will probably use words that no one uses any more (“dungarees,” “chums”) and remind you why you worry when your dad goes to a store alone to buy something for the whole family. He might be in front of you in line, next to you on a plane, or in this case, also trying on shoes. “I can never find anything here,” he’ll say to you, “what kind of shoes are those?” He remembers the halcyon days of yore when salespeople spoke English and had any idea where anything was—two things that we modern shoppers no longer expect. “What are the ones I had before the ones I had last time?” he asked “Manuel.” “Manuel” did not know.

As annoying as a TFP is, there is a sense of inevitability to it all. A TFP tends to be harmless and good-natured, in no way trying too hard. I’m sure when I am his age, I will have no idea how to get the robot to fix my rocket car. So karma will eventually get me. I like a different approach in stores—avoid the store employees as much as possible. This might be an extension of the whole not-wanting-grocery-store-cashiers-to-know-I’m-making-enchiladas-for-dinner branch of crazy. But it is also a different thing. I don’t want to bother them. I know that working retail is generally awful, and I don’t want to open up a big bunch of crazy on them (I recently started a phone call to a receptionist in San Jose with “so, I have a series of potentially stupid questions” and then took her on a little journey through my orthodontic history and my love of dental hygiene before dropping the fact that I had moved to New York seven years ago).

Even when I have a list of things to buy, I attack it with the Associate Justice Potter Stewart philosophy (you know, “I know it when I see it”). So any store trip takes a few inefficient laps around, just getting a feel for what is there, before I even get down to business. It also turns into a hide-and-seek horror movie scene as I actively try to avoid the salespeople. (Why did he go upstairs? Why do they always go upstairs? There’s no escape! Don’t go into the clearance racks! Doesn’t he know there’s a short girl hanging shirts in there? “Hi, do you need any help?” Run! Run! She has a 10% off your purchase today pending approval of a Gap Credit Card offer!)

I also had an old man ask me for a pair of sandals in a size 8. But he was not a TFP as much as an old, old man who probably had no idea where he was or why some people here wore matching white polo shirts with the Sports Authority logo on it and why some people wore blue hoodies that say “Old Navy Surplus” on them.

In any case, when I go shopping, I am perfectly content finding everything myself and not interacting with anyone. I am not looking to meet a friend as much as I am looking for a reasonably priced pair of sneakers that I like. I suppose that is what a TFP is looking for too—just with a different philosophy. Something like, I am going to find these shoes, and if I make a friend or two along the way, well that’s just fine by me! Something he learned when he lived in Mayberry. The TFP really is just an outdated social convention trying to buy shoes in this cruel modern world. Not the worst thing in the world.

No, the title is held by something else. The worst social interaction of the modern age (and potentially, the worst thing in the world) is the forced nostalgia conversation. You know, when a bunch of people who probably don’t have much in common besides physical location at that moment and, possibly, age, sit around and talk about the things they remember from ten, fifteen years ago. But not remembering shared experiences. No, no. You just sit around and list the movies and TV shows that you all watched as a kid like an unfunny version of a VH1 series.

It starts out better than it ends, for sure. Typically, it begins with more personal anecdotes (“My brother and I used to watch that show after school every day,” “I remember listening to that album over and over on cassette tape in my Casio tape player!”), which is just fine, if told well. Then, midway through, you get to the analyzing the odd logic of old things section (“I know your mom died, but don’t worry, her brother is moving in, as well as this…other guy! But don’t worry, it’s not so creepy because he can do Bullwinkle impressions”), which is sort of like hearing stale stand up comedy. And eventually it just reduces down to naming things (“Remember Ren and Stimpy?”). You don’t even have to qualify it. Just name something! Smurfs! Slap bracelets! Hammer pants! Doesn’t even have to be from the right decade! No one even cares any more! Zack Morris mobile phone! Sophie B. Hawkins! Kurt Cobain’s suicide! The Little Mermaid!!

The true problem is that most the time, people are lying. For some reason, these conversations turn into a big “if you don’t also remember this, you are not cool” party. So, of course you watched every single show that ever played on television between 1982 and 1996, despite the fact that you were born in 1991. Of course you were watching R-rated movies when you were 6. Why wouldn’t you remember music from when you were a baby? I mean, I’m sure that my parents played Madonna and Wham on repeat to me as I lay in the crib, trying to figure out what my toes were. I was singing along the whole time.

Again, there is something to be said for bridging the gaps between people with whom you have nothing in common besides the decade of your birth. That is fine. The problem is when it turns into a desperate attempt to earn the collective approval of the group by inventing a childhood that was not yours. This is not some noble attempt to forget your abusive past. This is pretending you watched a TV show you did not. Way to go. I’m pretty sure if you admit to not watching Rocko’s Modern Life, they will still believe you were born in 1986.

So, really, I’d take a TFP in line with me in the vestibule of a bank any day over a FNC with high school kids ten years my junior. Also, how do you like those initialisms? I hear the kids use them today. Why the face?