an instant pizza machine, maybe

One thing I am really curious about is the future of technology—specifically, at what point will it surpass my abilities to keep up? I imagine that there has to be some point in which it just moves too fast. My great-grandmother was able to send an email, but, when faced with a camera phone, asked, “Where do you put the film?”

My father is closer. He gets the general idea of email and text messages and instant messaging. Unfortunately, he doesn’t quite get the nuanced differences in the methodology of each communication. An email, he understands, is somewhat like a letter. You write a whole message and send it. Instant messaging is that one step beyond his grasp.

Dad: Hi Jesse.

jesse: hi dad

Several minutes pass. (Dad is typing)

Dad: [long message] Love, Dad.

jesse: no, dad, it’s like talking. it’s not an email.

A few minutes pass. (Dad is typing)

Dad: Oh okay. Well your mother needs to me to [insert some household activity involving words like “baseboards” or “retaining wall”]. Puff says hello. Love, Dad.

jesse: just talk and press enter.

The spelling and grammar has been edited for your convenience.

And, yes, there is nothing my father loves more than to greet me via the cats.

Recently, he became the owner of a blackberry and has taken up text messaging as a way of communicating. Today, after not immediately responding to the first text message, I was treated to four more identical copies (plus a missed call from my mother—it was apparently a team effort today). This was all in the span of time it takes to withdraw some money out of an ATM.

My mother, bless her heart, has not yet ventured into text message territory. My father once asked me to show her how. I politely declined.

She does, however, use instant messaging and throws out the occasional “lol” or “omg” as, I think, a way of ensuring that those phrases are officially uncool. It’s like when my 4^th grade campers started wearing “Vote for Pedro” shirts. Time to let it go, mainstream America.

There do exist common technologies that I do not participate in. I have never tweeted anyone (is that even a transitive verb?) nor have I ever downloaded an iPhone app. I have no idea how to play Call of Duty. I have never watched a movie on blu-ray. And I got in trouble for not knowing how to use my parents’ DVR (it said something about changing to NCIS, and I selected “no.” I didn’t want to watch NCIS!). But I assume that if I ever want to do any of these, I could. This isn’t what I’m talking about.

I am assuming at one point, I am going to search for keyboard on some kiosk that uses my brainwaves or sit and shout “winky face” into the voice command of some magic hologram communication technology. I really wonder at what point my brain just can no longer wrap itself around the concept behind a device. I hope that it is something awesome. Not something scary like a robot dog that will outlive me.