Anyone who has been unemployed for a while knows that your days just begin to meld together. Weekend. Weekday. It’s all about the same, especially when you are still awake at 4 AM and still asleep at 12 PM. So, day in and day out, there isn’t much to report. Today, I ate some food! Although, my winning streak on FreeCell has now passed 450. Excitement abound.
But, with all this free time, I have taken up to reading only the finest writing available on the internet—Facebook fan pages, comments on Youtube videos, ew.com articles, you know, generally high brow material. And can I just ask, what is with people and spoilers? Like, HA HA HA I know something about this show that you don’t (but will become public knowledge in like two weeks anyway). Wow. That is so impressive. I cannot even believe how cool that is. You really must be a better person than I am to have that soon-to-be-moot and ultimately inconsequential information.
There is this whole culture out there of “I know something you don’t know” or, worse, “I knew something that you now know before you knew it, which still makes me a better person.” There is a whole Facebook page devoted to something like “I knew that band before it was big!” Like, the number of people who openly brag about knowing about Owl City before he became mainstream is pretty astounding. How is that impressive? How is that something that you would say out loud (or, you know, to the internet). It’s not like you have exclusive Stones demo tapes or something. It is a dude with one album and a runaway hit. Yeah, I heard Owl City before he made it big, too. It was called Death Cab for Cutie. (Har har har).
Spoilers are worse though. The whole name-dropping game of hey I knew about this person before you did is just being ass for being an ass’s sake. Which is annoying enough. But, people who insist on posting spoilers on comment pages or Facebook news feeds are showing off to the detriment of others.
Person A: Oh wow I’m so excited to read this book! I can’t wait.
Stranger: I ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THIS HAPPENS AND THEN THIS HAPPENS I’M SO MUCH COOLER BECAUSE I ALREADY KNEW SEE I KNEW I KNEW IT I KNEW IT FIRST.
Person A: … page one …
Whatever happened to just watching or reading or seeing something and enjoying it? Is that not okay any more? I don’t think it is a ridiculous thing to ask. I mean, isn’t that the whole point? Do people now go into movies thinking, wow I can’t wait to see this but good thing I already know everything that happens? And whom are you trying to impress, internet? I mean, who is like, oh wow that DID happen! Thanks, superguy2125 (worst fake internet alias ever)! You ARE smarter than I am!
I do remember once as a kid spoiling the end of the movie Phenomenon to a friend. With fury in his eyes, he tried to ruin the ending of something I was excited about and had not yet seen: Independence Day. Sad for him, he had not yet seen it either. EARTH WINS, he shouted. Turns out, he was right. Sorry if that was a spoiler, but if you haven’t seen Independence Day yet, what the hell is wrong with you?! (But you totally should).
My brother, on the other hand, took a different route. Every birthday party or Christmas morning or any other present opening time (what other present opening times are there? Damn you, rule of threes), he would state, as a person began to open a present, “I know what it is!” And after the present was opened, he would announce, “I knew it!” Now, if you want to drive an eight-year-old Jesse absolutely nuts, do that. NO YOU DIDN’T! YOU DID NOT KNOW! TELL ME NOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? WHAT! JUST SAY IT FIRST! SAY IT FIRST! (Eight-year-old Jesse was pretty high strung). His game was simply to say he knew more than the room, despite any evidence either way. Part of his game was also probably to drive me nuts.
Now, maybe these people actually do know more than I do. Maybe they have some insight into why they are not the worst people ever. Maybe the great spoiler in life is that blessed are those who ruin the endings of movies, for theirs is the kingdom of God. But if it is, just don’t tell me.
What do you mean "was" high strung?
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