no, i didn't say any of those things out loud.

Makin' Mandoo: An Informal Photo Essay
By Jesse Hall

So, somewhere between being unemployed and Lunar* New Year landing on Valentine's day this year, I felt the need to make a huge amount of Korean food. The back story is that I spent the night before chopping vegetables and mixing tofu and marinating meats and whatnot. Then, I spent the day in front of the TV, Olympics on, ready to start folding some dumplings.

So, like those clever Blair Witch kids, I decided to photo-document the process. I figured, if nothing else, I would have something to show for it other than having eaten 1000 dumplings all by myself (which I contend is a respectable feat).


Our story begins at about 3 o'clock. You'll notice some hopeful things there. A single cookie tray, a moist paper towel to keep the wrappers from drying out, a spoon. Oh, how naïve you were, Jesse at 3 PM. Things were about to get exciting.

1 hour mark. The observant viewer will notice the tray full of dumplings but also notice that the level of dumpling filling is unchanged from the first picture. No, this is not a continuity error. This is simply because YHWH, performing a miracle, made a bowl of turkey and tofu last not one day but eight! Praise the LORD!

2 hour mark. We were rounding the horn on tray #2 and there seemed to be no end in sight of dumpling filling. You might also notice a bowl of what was once water used to seal the wrappers shut and now more closely resembles the runoff of a factory from an episode of Captain Planet.


I can see light!


So the wrappers ran out long before the filling did. You'll also notice the philosophy of squeezing three trays worth of dumplings onto two (motivated mostly by the fact that we only have two cookie sheets in the apartment). No dumpling left behind! Time: 6 PM.


Then, the fun part! Deep frying! Mmmmmmmmmmm... You'll notice the varying shades of golden brown based on my method of frying them at whatever temperature the oil happens to be until they look done-ish.


Oh, I also made Korean BBQ beef and rice and bought some kimchee. Happy Valentine's Day, self!


*Some of you may say to yourself, wait a minute. Don't you mean Chinese New Year? What is this Lunar business? Well, you may or may not know that more than one culture celebrates the New Year when Chinese people typically do. Among them are Koreans. And, as much as they love the Chinese, Koreans are not apt to call their New Year "Chinese New Year." In fact, I had a discussion with a colleague at the Hall about this very issue. And by discussion, I mean, I kept repeating the same point, and she kept not understanding it.

It went something like this:

Woman: Maybe we can do a Chinese New Year celebration to attract the Asian population.
Jesse: Well, if we wanted to be more inclusive, we should call it "Lunar New Year."
Woman: Why?
Jesse: Because blahblahblah
Woman: Oh, I didn't know that!

LATER

Woman: Oh, I took your idea to the CEO / President!
Jesse (suspicious): What idea?
Woman: About Chinese New Year.
Jesse: You mean Lunar New Year.
Woman: Yes! Exactly!
Jesse: So why would you call it Chinese New Year?
Woman: Well, we decided that it might not be clear what we meant. So we decided to compromise and call it Chinese Lunar New Year. I told her it was all your idea!
Jesse: ...


WHAT!!!
A) A compromise? What are we compromising?! Are we at war?
B) Why would we call it something that makes no sense! There is no such thing as Chinese Lunar New Year! So instead of being exclusive or inclusive, we've decided to be nonsensical.
and
C) Be clear for Chinese people? Do you know what Chinese people call Chinese New Year? NEW YEAR! GAH! Who is going to be confused about the New Year celebration scheduled for February?! White people without calendars?

I'm glad that is the one idea of mine that made its way to the CEO. A lasting legacy, I left there.